The "Dash"-Board-- Rantings of a Normal Youth

For whom the bell tolls, an homage to Metallica

2011-10-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

(In the wake of the upcoming gig in Bangalore, that I am counting hours down for, I compiled this. Enjoy.)

I thought I was better than you. I really did. At least that's what mama said. Some said I had the "Holier than thou" attitude. I wouldn't think twice before indulging myself with the judas kiss or a devil's dance. The human world was all within my hands. You could shoot me twice but I'd come back at you like some kind of monster. They called me the Phantom Lord, the harvester of sorrow.

But then you came along. You made me your Prince Charming. Your eyes, the colour of sweet amber. Your hair, blackened and long. Your smile, the flash of some Orion star. Your kiss, some sort of cyanide. I would willingly jump in the fire for you, and escape unhurt. You made me realise I wasnt a bad seed. You taught me to "Carpe Diem, Baby!". You were my cure. I succumbed to the unnamed feeling. You and me had become one.

Yet it happened. I'd hoped this would never come to pass. The day that never comes I'd fervently prayed. But it arrived. The end of the line. It hit me like whiplash. You left poor twisted me, broken beat and scarred. You were indeed, my apocalypse. I cursed the god that failed me! St Anger was my friend of misery, like a thorn within. I was pushed to the frayed ends of sanity by the struggle within. To the point that suicide and redemption was my only escape.

In the unforgiven darkness, I lay. Bleeding me, waiting for the dyers eve. My fate was sealed, the shortest straw drawn. When through that dirty window, came a sliver of light. I saw the four horsemen in the blurry distance. I went closer. They said they were going to rescue my soul, trapped under ice. This is what they said.

In this world of wolf and man, women are nothing but the master of puppets. They distort men from being the hero of the day to being disposable heroes. That was just your life, they said. I'd become the outlaw torn.

I now had two choices. A part of me wanted to seek and destroy. Another wanted me to just fade to black. But living the latter would make me King Nothing. To live that is to die, they said.

I was wasting my hate they said. It was time to fight fire with fire, to ride the lightning, all nightmare long. Every frantic motorbreath of mine would be dedicated to resist this creeping death. To fix my world where there would be freedom... and justice for all. Nothing else matters.

"Welcome home, my boy!", they said.

Now I live with no remorse. Although wherever I may roam, the memory remains. That of you and me together. Like words from a low man's lyric. It pains, like pulling teeth from a child. However, I have come to terms with you. You just aint my bitch. You never were. Sad but true.

Campus to corporate, or vice versa?

2011-10-26T04:03:00.000-07:00

It should be a long time since I first joined my company, since I really can’t remember what my first tryst with it was. Life has changed since then, in radical ways for me, you see. There are things I have learnt. Things like calling the company I joined, “my company” since divulging its name can get me kicked out of “the company”. (PS: For people of “my company”, please refer to “Privacy in Practice”, in case you just wrote the exam from answers given by your cubicle-mate(PPS: They aren’t very reliable, are they?))

So let us call “My Company”, “D”(First letter that came into my head, gaad praamise ok?). Working at D is indeed awesome. You wonder why? Well it isn’t that different from college. But shouldn’t a job bring more maturity in me? Shouldn’t it be my metamorphosing step to adulthood, you ask. I beg to differ, say I. You want reasons?

1. People who (are supposed to) influence me:

College:

On approaching a faculty with a doubt:
Me: “Sir/Madam, what is X?”(X being the doubt)
Faculty: ”Give me some time, I will answer your doubt”
Me : ”Can it be XYZ?”(XYZ being the answer that I thought should logically be the answer)
Faculty : ”Do you think you know more than me? Get out!”
2 days later:
Faculty member comes up to me, beaming.
Faculty: “The answer to your doubt is… XYZ”
Me: “But that’s what I said………………”

Office:

On approaching a senior with a problem:
Me: ”Hey X, can you help me with this?”(X here being the first name of the senior)
X:”Sure buddy, I will get back to you on this”
Me:”Can we use XYZ?”(XYZ being some method/tool that would be the solution)
X:*gives me a cold stare, and royally ignores me*
2 days later:
X comes up to me, beaming.
X: “I solved it”
Me: “How?”
X: “I used XYZ”
Me: “But that’s what I said………………”

2. Things needed to be done on a timeline:

College:

2 hours before assignment submission:
Me: “Oye, you have the assignment solution?”
Friend:”Nope, lagta hai jugaad karna padega!”

Office:

2 hours before mandatory training deadline:
Me:”Oye, you have the answers to this training?”
Friend:”Nope, lagta hai jugaad karna padega!”

3. Drunken Stupors:

College:

Outside a shady pub, most close to my heart:
Drunk Me:”Hey, what’s your name?”
Drunk Girl: *looks at me, then turns away as if the question came from thin air*
Drunk Me:*pretends it never happened, and walks away*

Office:
Outside a 5 star hotel bar, that cannot be compared to the shady pub.
Drunk Me:”Hey, what’s your name?”
Drunk Senior Manager: *looks at me, then turns away as if the question came from thin air*
Drunk Me:*pretends it never happened, and walks away*

4. Work time interruptions:

College:

On a long, sunny afternoon, when time doesn’t seem to end:
Faculty: ”Lionel!”
Me:*rudely awakened from a nap on my desk, uttering some incoherent sound*
Faculty: ”Go wash your face and come back when you’re ready to listen!”

Office:

On a long, sunny afternoon, when time doesn’t seem to end:
Project Manager: ”Lionel!”
Me:*rudely awakened from a nap at my cubicle, uttering some incoherent sound*
Project Manager: ”Go drink some coffee and come back when you’re ready to work!”

5. The ethnic factor:

College:

Me: “Ehhh, baanc**d”
Friend:*insert tamil slang here*

Office:

Me: “Ehhh, baanc**d”
Friend: *insert mallu slang here*

Not that it makes a difference to me. It’s all south indian.(Not meant to be racially derogative) : P

6. Ridiculous band-names:

College:

MC: “And next on stage, we have Annihilated Perception Inc.”
Me: “API! API! API!”

Office:

MC:”And next on stage, we have BrandD!”
Me: *looks at the stage, then walks away in disbelief*

Still, as I have mentioned previously, things have changed radically for me. I pay for my own booze, I call seniors by their first name, I have my own room in a rented 2BHK. But nothing, NOTHING can beat the time I had in Manipal. Manipal, the place that doesn’t sue you for mentioning its name on a random blog. Manipal, the place where I knew I could be me without any inhibitions or fear of people talking about me. Manipal, the place I will always love…

Journey in Hell.

2010-05-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

The journey from Manipal to Kolkata is usually a sad one for me. Leaving friends and the independence that you enjoyed for the past 6 months only for the shackles of home awaiting you, the road sickness I have when the Volvo(without any semblance of a suspension) wound through the serpent-like roads near the western ghats, and forced me to curse the makers of this road for not making the roads straighter! I mean, what is the use of such huge curves on that road(some curves are just not meant to be ridden *wink wink*) when you could just simply blast your way through the mountains and do a simpler task of making a STRAIGHT road!

But its not that for me usually. Usually its something else that compounds my misery. The incidents that I am about to recount have taken place on different journeys, but for simplicity’s sake, I shall mix them into one mammothly pathetic journey from Manipal to Kolkata.

Bus journeys are usually not my cup of tea because of the aforementioned reason. Hence I wasn’t looking forward to travelling in the bus to Bangalore. It left from Udupi and I cant take the fricking night bus coz my flight is always at 6 in the morning the next day.(Those who are thinking why I cant take another flight back, I have only one FREE choice for a plane ride back). So when I reached the bus station waiting for my bus to arrive, my stomach was already churning in anticipation of the road.

The conductor asked for my ticket before boarding the bus, I grabbed into my bag and took out an envelope. The guy looked at the ticket and starts shouting in kannada. I am soon surrounded by some burly conductor people staring at my ticket and back at me. The guy then shows me my ticket, it was my previous sem bus ticket that I had mistakenly put in the envelope and the new one was in my room. To avoid a beating, I had to buy a new ticket and the guy sadistically gave me the backseat of the bus although the bus was empty! I couldn’t even protest since I was alien to their land, and for once I wish I studied in good old cal.

After a sickening journey through the hills, (I used 4 air-sickness bags) we finally hit the Mysore highway and I knew I was close to Bangalore. As I was blissfully falling off to sleep,(the only chance I actually had to doze through the entire journey), the plastic thing that covered me from the lashing rain outside just flew off without a warning and I was awoken by the rain beating down on me. Thankfully, the conductor guy didn’t notice the broken window before I got off although he was suspicious of my wet physical disposition.

So there I was in Bangalore, with an appallingly light wallet and wet clothes. My only hope was to catch the Volvo service from Majestic to the airport( which like another nuisance, is situated 40 kms from the heart of the city). However when I reached the bus stand, I was informed that today was some god forbidden festival(excuse my choice of words, but that’s what I felt then) and the buses were not running then. I had to catch an auto to reach the airport.

Now Bangalore auto-wallahs, like other auto drivers in all the metros, know a hard done person from a mile away. Its like a shark homing in on a bleeding person, or a cheetah hunting down a wounded gazelle on the Serengeti. They surrounded me with various offers to go to the airport. Naïve as I was, I took the first guy to approach me to take me to the airport. However as we reached the airport he asked for 500 bucks. I had just 200 in my wallet and I was pretty sure it was a lot. Now to my disdain, I had no money and an angry auto driver on my tail. Thankfully( small mercies), there was an ATM at the airport and I paid the guy with whatever I had left in my account. (As all MIT people will vouch for, we don’t usually have more than 100 in our account at the end of the month) and I had finally reached the airport.

I thought the journey couldn’t get worse for me. However, to my ignorance, it had just taken a turn for the worse.

People from my Perspective......

2010-03-19T05:55:00.000-07:00

Midnight shouldn’t be the time when I start documenting about the people I see. People who may or may not be respected by me (usually it’s the latter.). However, as the mission set upon me (by myself if I may add) is to get you an insight into people, I’ll try and do that.

You see, people, by themselves, don’t choose to take a category which I am going to chronicle. They naturally seem to categorize themselves. As for the disclaimers (this note is not depicted on anybody living or fictitious….) I’ll leave that to some other dusty day. So without much further ado….

Category 1: The I’m-Too-Smart-For-This People:
These people are the brains of the class. They will be the first one to raise their hands to answer a particular question from the teachers. Later, when their status as being a “know-all” is established, they choose to ignore questions thrown by teachers. Usually hated by The I-have-no-clue-what’s-going-on people because this usually leads to the teacher asking them for the answer, to which they obviously don’t know the answer. Can be detected speaking volumes about other colleges and never appreciating what’s here.

Category 2: The I-know-you-when-I-need-you People:
These are the people who you wouldn’t even know existed in your class, but would suddenly randomly appear to be your best-buddy. But don’t get yourself too happy, because once you have proved how good a friend you are to them (which obviously includes some onerous task to be performed on their behalf), they will cease to recognize you. Only to be your best-buddy when another one of those tasks come their way.

Category 3: The I’m-ok-doing-that-you’re-not People:
These are the people who think they are above the law themselves. Also called as The Self-Righteous or The Holier-than-Thou. They can do whatever they please to. However if you do anything immorally wrong, they wont hesitate to nag you about it. No matter how many times they may have done it themselves! If pointed that out to them, they ignore it outright and seem offended that you actually thought THEY were capable of doing this. If you’re one of the I-don’t-do-anything-wrong people(their numbers are dwindling), they will make sure they concoct a cock and bull story just to get you down.

Category 4: The I-am-too-modest People:
By now, you surely have heard of the I-am-awesome people right? The ones who say they have climbed Mount Kilimanjaro and had caviar with the Russian prime-minister. The I-am-too-modest People are the EXACT opposite of that. But don’t think they are of any better a sort! An excerpt of a conversation heard before an exam:
Student 1: Oye yaar… Did you study anything??
Student 2: Nope! I am so GONE this sessional!!
*2 weeks later*
Teacher: Student X… 8, Student Y… 10, Student 2… 20…..
Student 1:*shocked*
Student 2:*wry smile*
Student 2 is a perfect example of a Category 4 person. They can be highly deceptive, yet can be the better of the lot of rotten apples.

Category 5: The blah-blah-blah people:
Usually of the female species, although the males also seem to nowadays give good competition to them. Once they open their mouths… You might as well take a trip around the world... when you’re done, they still haven’t completed their tale. These are the people who, when needed to talk about... lets say a tree, will first start from its history, its origins, its ancestors, its genetic structure, its chromosomes… they will keep talking, until you curse Pink Floyd for making a song of the same name. Usually have the latest “gossip” if you’re interested, but to know it, you have to endure an insurmountable amount of torture to your ear drums. Even after this if you want the “news”, you might want to read the next category.

Category 6: The You-are-such-a-#($&%^@-when-you-have-your-back-turned People:
They will be your adorers when you are with them. Nothing about you is wrong to them when you are with them. But when you’re gone, they would turn back to their friends with a judging look and say.. “what a @$$#0&%”. One warning to you guys, don’t ever complete “The Circle”..(Where A tells about B to C and A tells about C to B... If B and C start talking… Well.. I hope A is not in the same room!!!)

If I am to talk now about all the categories of people there are. I would have to write the entire magazine myself. I’m going to publish my book soon(“How to recognize People for DUMMIES”). Stay tuned for that!

However, if you find that you don’t fit into any of these categories; please don’t feel left out, because you are the ones who have that little bit of character in you. Keep it going! Cheers to you!

As for me, I know which category I belong/don’t belong in. Do you?

A new post

2010-03-18T12:10:00.000-07:00

Due to someone's constant bickering have i started writing this blog again. Dunno why though.

Considering that I have achieved nothing substantial in my life. Nothing that would permanantly etch my name
in the history books. I know i am not old enough, but a lotta people out there actually have achieved a lot
by my age, already on their way to glory. Why am i lagging behind then?

Coming to think of it, why do people write such blogs? To keep a piece of their mind on a piece of memory stored
somewhere deep in google's extraordinarily huge memory device? To achieve their bit of immortality through their
writings? I'm no one to judge seriously, considering I have the same mentality here.

I'd quite forgotten about this blog, frankly speaking. However a lot has changed since i last wrote this blog.

(1) I am not a confused teenager... I am a confused adult now.... :D (I havent applied for my voter ID card tho,
gotto do dat!!)

(2) I still am so confused about the contents, I actually have 2 notepad files open, one to write morbid shit, the
other for light hearted banter.

(3)I read my about me: "My name's Lionel, Lionel De"... Shouldn't it be "My name's De.. Lionel De"??? In Manipal
a lot of people know me as De...(sunday monday Lionel De..Urghhh!!!)(My sincere apologies to Ian Fleming who
would be digging quite a hole in his grave)

(4) My music taste.. I shudder to think i was a hip-hop/whatever-they-call-it fan in the not too distant past.

However some things which still havent changed:

(1) Am still the same guy, seeking solace here, in my writings.

(2) I am still called DASH, although I have been called a lot of names(lala, laila, DASCHUND, loss... You name it!)

(3) I still have the same group of friends, but have added quite a number lately, to the loss of few.. Good
going me!!

(4)My position in the football field.. Always have been under the bar.. Although i dunno y i used to hate it
back when i was in school... It was generally considered that the worst player on the pitch was the goalie
(He gets to use his hands!! wow!!)

Gees... Time's just flown writing this post. Hopefully one of many to come...

Cheers(god bless)!!

Dash.

2008-06-08T00:25:00.001-07:00

Yeah yeah... You know what... I think the readers of this blog.. if any.. Should be getting BORED by the dark, morbid poetry that is the only thing I am able to compose lately... due to certain circumstances that forced me to... I learnt a LOT about misery and hatred.. But I have come to realise that.. Life is not only about sad stuff... it also has to have the light side... the humour part and stuff... So guess wat?? I will try and get some stuff that should be able to make u laugh.. just goes to show how CONFUSED a teen i am!!!!

( That sounded SO much like the moral of the story kinda bullshit... URGHHHH!!!!!)

Life is a Bitch

2008-06-08T00:14:00.000-07:00

(I went to Hi5 after a HELL long time... You know just for old time memories... and here's what i found.. Some shit that I composed a long time back... I think it was in 10 coz am talking about ray optics and stuff... So here goes... )

These lines were penned by me on the eve(rather midnight) of my physics exam. I still had ray optics to do n the exam was a couple of hours away.Frustrated with my life I ruminated on the worthlessness of my life...following is the result if u like it try to add some beats to make it a rap song I swear I wont ask for copyrights(lol!!!)

Life is a Bitch (Inspired from the "el manana" video of the Gorillaz)

When on a roller coaster

there's bound to be highs n lows

But my life's as such

it's a continuous base flow

A river meandering

ultimately reaches its goal

but this life doesn't make me

reach out to my soul

The pressure of the world

Is too much for me to hitch

Sinking me into the swirl

Coz' life's such a bitch

In this lonely world of mine

Everything seems to be fine

But inside my wretched mind

There's a dearth of sunshine

Sitting on this chair

I think about the future

The seeds of which should've

In the past been nurtured

As the clock keeps ticking

Darkness envelops me

Ironically the physics chapter

Is "light" which I've to study

Suddenly I see a vision

A vision of verdurous fields

Of birds chirping, bees buzzing

Of a windmill of Dutch guilds

But the scenery changes

My eye flashes

The sky turns red

A bolt of thunder crashes

The flower being to wilt

The flora is destroyed!

The fauna begins to disintegrate

The world's becoming a void

NO! This wont happen

This cant happen

I reach out for help

But I get sucked in......

I open my eyes

I'd fallen into a niche

My physics book lies open

Life's such a bitch

Shades of black and grey....

2008-05-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

What is the miniscule point

Between darkness and light?

What is the narrow ridge

Between ingenuity and insanity?

What is the thin line

Between love and hate?

I did not care, no more...

I lie in my murky world...

Darkness surrounds me...

I see nothing....

My shadow obliterates myself....

I lie in my mortal nutshell...

My mind numb and blank...

Darkness is a good place to hide myself...

from the malevolent world outside...

I scourge the people...

The ones so near and dear to me

Or so i thought...

They all left me..

In this cage of penitence...

Let the swarthiness be my guide...

In my road to “salvation”??

My road to contriteness...

Is in my eternal peace...

I lie in my murky world...

Darkness surrounds me...

Hate

2008-04-05T05:20:00.000-07:00

I hate people who hate me
I hate people who love me
I hate the world
I hate the things people do
I hate myself
I hate love
I love hatred!

Here I Am

2008-03-31T05:48:00.000-07:00

My eye flashes open... It was restless sleep.... I was consistently bugged by this dream... which had so much to do with my present life at the moment... I could not take this anymore....

... and then she smiled and mouthed those three words... “I love you”.. the world went into a tumultuous heap... I couldn’t believe it... I had finally won... Victory of love was achieved by me.....

I went over to the adjoining wash basin.. I splashed water several times on my face... I looked up at the mirror... What i found staring back at me wasn’t me... or was it??

... oh... the gardens of romance.... those tunnels of love....

“And the big wheel keep on turning neon burning up above
And I’m just high on the world
Come on and take a low with ma girl
On the tunnel of love”

-Dire Straits....

I wiped my face.. and rested on my bed... My leaden eyes drooped off... another disturbing dream... I woke up... my face covered with beads of sweat....

.... It was a hard time for us.... “The people are spreading rumours about us”, she said... “So what??”... “... I think its time for us to go our separate ways...”

I could not get sleep tonight... My room was dark and murky... a sinister thickness hung in the air... I was all alone in my room... I had to get out of there...I couldn’t stay there...

Yet we couldn’t break off completely.. sworn best friends for ever... We knew everything about each other....I couldn’t help harvesting the seed of love in my heart....

I stared out of the window at the valley down below.... why did it have to happen? Why to me? Curse those people...

.... She was having a very tough time back in her place.... She was being blamed of philandering too much with me... People refused to believe that we’d broken up... cant a girl and a boy remain best of friends?? Is the society so narrow minded? She cried everyday.. I felt like paying the world back for every teardrop she shed...

I put on my jogging apparel.. I needed some fresh air... But somehow my movements seemed to be uncoordinated... As if I was inebriated.. I put it down to my lack of sleep... A gust of cold wind welcomed me as i opened the door...

... Her friends had threatened to leave her side... She was blamed for something she had never done... for which she had to risk her friendship with everybody... I tried to help but they blamed me to be an accomplice to her “crime”.. We were isolated.. yet we were there for each other... to fight the world together... But she couldn’t bear it anymore... How long could we wage a lost battle?

It was a cold winter night, the mist had just about settled....I shivered.. Damn I should have got that jacket.... I jogged about half a mile to one of my favourite places in the countryside.. I could sit there for hours and in the end feel very content.. Aptly I called it the “peace point”.. I sat there on the cliff with the valley overlooking me as i went through the incidents of the previous day.... a sudden impulse.... to get it all over... after all two steps and I would be free of it all.... Damn it all!!!

... She had left... Neither had she left her number or her address... I was shocked.. I couldn’t find a trace of her... her housekeeper told that one of her relatives had come to take her to her hometown... How could I find her?? My world was shattered.. ... and so was my heart...right there on her doorstep...

The sun arose from behind the hills.... I’d been there for 3 hours but at that moment I realised what a fool I would have been to do what I had contemplated... It was a new day.... It was a fresh start....

“It's a new world
It's a new start
It's alive with the
beating of young
hearts
It's a new day
It's a new plan
I've been waiting for you
Here I am”

-Bryan Adams

I looked down at her doormat... underneath it was her handkerchief.. with the three words that meant the world to me....

“I love you”

I sat down and cried.... Tears of solitude flowing down my cheeks......

Random Beats of the heart......

2007-12-23T06:17:00.000-08:00

The sound of classical music.. the melody of bach, Vivaldi, Mozart.. NEVER sounded so sweet... There is magic in it.. when I open that one folder dear to me more than life itself... I find myself opening that one picture of yours.. and happily staring at it...

You have no clue how i miss u darling... The smile on your face in this picture makes me feel so good even when I am low.. you have that expression on your face which melts my heart.. As if my nights are unfulfilled without watching you... without seeing that one time.. your pretty face....your hair falling over your shoulders... makes me want to live my entire life in its shade... your glimmering eyes.. have a tale to tell unto themselves... your lips parted... as if you wanted to say something to me.. and i wonder what that might be...seconds turn to minutes.. minutes turn to hours.. as i soak in the music and watch you smile at me..and i smile back.... in that one moment of wonder... you have made my hours pass by like fleeting seconds...

You have made the roses smell sweeter

You have made the birds chirp cheerfully....

You have me waiting for your breath..

You have me craving for your touch..

You have made my nights so restless

You have made my day so incomplete..

You have made me see magic...

The magic of love.....

You have made me fall in love with you...

Thank you so much dear.. coz without you I would never get to know what true love is like... and it feels good to.. you know... think about you... to dream about you... to dream about a rosy future with you....

HEY CUTIE(My dear puss)!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

Indian Humour... on its way down??

2007-12-21T00:10:00.000-08:00

I came back home to Kolkata after such a long time... The first few days were spent in slumbering and gorging on home food... meeting the same relatives and well-wishers.. all of them cribbing about how thin i have become and asking me how’s my life in manipal... I have to answer their questions with the same boring answers followed by that angelic smile... Most of my friends had their exams going on.. I had no way to entertain myself than to be a couch potato (I missed being a couch potato.. J).. but their too I faced an amazingly boring fare... The same old saas-bahu bullshit.. game shows and reality TV... and the same stand up, slapstick comedy.

It is indeed sad how these stand-up comedians try to get a laugh out of people.. while most try and dig fun out of mimicking famous personalities and Indian communities.. few are able to get a good laugh out of me... It is as if we Indians are laughing by poking fun out of other people... But we become highly indignant and irritated when we get laughed at.. Indeed laughing at jokes made on you.. and agreeing that it was humorous... requires a lot of guts and attitude... I mean you ask yourself how many people have you come across who have had a good laugh over jokes made on themselves... hardly any ain’t it?

Look at the number of “santa-banta” and other community inclined jokes flying around through SMS these days... Each and every community is being portrayed(or at least is being tried to portray) in a more comic light... But isn’t that dividing our secular country into these communities.. thereby insulting the principles of secularism that were inculcated in the constitution with good intentions? I have faced this problem in manipal.. where people who talk in the same language bond more than people who come from other parts of the country... (case in view.. the enormous telegu group..)This separation of people into different groups according to their caste/creed/language/race/sex absolutely sucks!!!

Coming back to humour.. I cant help but make comparisons between the stand up comedy in India and abroad... Abroad the viewpoint of people is extremely liberal...Look at Russell Peters.. Now this guy has poked fun of people of different countries... insulted their culture, their language.. yet people there have a hearty laugh at his jokes... this is because of their attitude... They come to see RP making a fool of people... have fun... and then go back home and promptly forget all those insults and remarks... They do not take these personally unlike the Indians.... Another example of liberalism in foreign humour is “South Park”.. where they poke fun out of the jews.. yet it maybe shocking for you to know but half of the creators of SP are Jewish themselves! Just goes onto show how liberal these people are.

Yet comedians here have faced death threats from religious groups, have been banished from certain places and faced severe public and media criticism. They have become afraid to perform with liberty.. It is time that we Indians take a liberal approach to humour.. and treat jokes like they are supposed to be treated.. with laughter and nothing else...

Signing off now... seems like they have “comedy circus” going on.. on sony.... (Once a couch potato.. always a couch potato!! ;) )... Ciao!

Return of the “Dash”board... Meaner, tougher and in-your-f***ing-face than ever before....

2007-12-18T06:06:00.000-08:00

Ok... So this is just to fulfil a promise to myself.. to start my blog all over again.. and u know wat.. here i am satisfying my own self.. and probably boring you to death rite now....
You know wat? I had fricking free internet back in manipal... but the thing is that i have never really wanted to blog then... but there’s something here in Kolkata that appeals to my literary senses... I mean the weather is so cool... in both the literal and the figurative sense... As i lay here on my bunk I ruminate on how my first semester in college just passed by without me even feeling that i am a college-going guy now... Its true that I have grown a goatie... and i feel a hell lot more mature... still... somewhere within me a voice asks me whether I am a college going kid.. and another voice answers an emphatic NO!!

I thought there could be no better way to begin off with the blog than to give u an insight on how my life has been different bak there in manipal.... I did write an entry bak der in manipal but due to the poor quality of the connection there it got deleted... and i didn’t have the verve to write it all over again... and this was days before my end sems were about to begin...

The last statement probably tells you how seriously i have been taking studies here... lolz.. Its been such a roller-coaster of a time there... that studies didn’t even feature in my priority list... It was just last minute cramming that did the job.. ( if not full... at least partially...) Yet there have been many times that i have sat at the exam hall with a blank expression on my face... trying to think of an answer from the deep recesses of my mind... at least i got partial marks for all the bullcrap that i wrote there...

Some things that i wont forget from the first semester here at mit....
(1)The Counter Strike Sessions (aka CSS):This was one time when our floor was under pin-drop silence... Apart from the odd celebration an uncanny silence used to mark the floor... As we used to roam around those virtual maps... trying to get at each other.... sharpening and honing our skills against each other... there used to be fierce competition there... and the one good thing about this game was the number of players who could play at the same time.. although “lag” in the server used to hamper most of our progress in the latter stages of the semester.... It brought about a sense of unity among the hostel mates back there... Who said gaming is bad for society???

(2) The midnight clothes washing sessions: This was strictly done alone... It was bad man... Imagine... You come home.. punch drunk... hoping for some sleep... and u put your head to the pillow... when you have that bad feeling that you missed out something... you go to the bathroom... and there you have your clothes staring back at you... from under that soap solution... and you curse yourself for dipping the clothes in for washing... I had a similar experience.. and i tell u it is very sad indeed.... Here I hate to enlighten you about the disparity between boys n girls hostels... while girls have a washing machine... all boys have is “SWARNA LAUNDRY”.. who very conveniently lose your favourite pair of jeans or your “IRON MAIDEN” t-shirt... the one you bought the day before... and didn’t have the heart to wear before it is washed....

(3) The wild birthday celebrations: This were the days when the victim gets hunted down.. and then the hunters became the hunted... I remember Mikhail’s birthday... We had made this special potion( thanks to Palash..) consisting off... 4 weeks rotten food... some spoilt milk... toothpaste... spoilt ketchup, eggs, a dead cockroach, shampoo, soap.. to make the deadliest and smelliest solution I had ever seen in my life... and at the strike of midnight Mikhail got that poured all over him... bit the shrewd guy never had a bath... but tried to make us all dirty like him... he did succeed in the end... All the water fights were seriously awesome... and all the ass kicking.. when no one was spared.. n the birthday boy had to cut the cake with an aching posterior side...

(4)All the fests and CRI 2007... CRI was just about amazing... The metal they played was so awesome.. that the next day our entire floor was full of zombies who couldn’t turn their heads because of all the headbanging they did the previous night... to be part of the “marsh-pit”.. to take advantage of the dark to bash up people and then blame it on the guy you hate the most... Some real awesome shit happened.....

(5) Eating the same mess food over and over again... cribbing about how boring the food is.. yet going back to it at the end of the day...

(6) The people that came into my life here in manipal... Especially that one person who has changed the way I look at lovers now... back in my school days.. I used to wonder how these people can ever get committed to one person... but I was wrong... oh I was so fricking wrong... now i look at them with a smile on my face.. I know what it feels like to be in that position... If that person is reading this at the moment... I just want to tell you that I (still) love you SO MUCH!!! I have reached a pause where i cannot write anymore about this as doing so would get me back to thinking about you.. the thing i have been doing so often these days!

So I have pledged to myself.. and to my interested readers... (to whom I hopefully have added another one ;)).. I shall give to you “dash”board part II... bigger, better and more blunt than it could ever get....

Me signing off now.. Hopefully this is one of many to come...
Please, Please comment... other wise it doesn’t egg me on you know... :)

2007-08-01T03:01:00.000-07:00

Ah yes! I'm @ manipal rite now... and chances seem to be bleak that we'll get our laptops any time soon.... so till den I'm off! n yeah its fun out here....
(wish u were here!!)

THE WEED THEORY

2007-07-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

( P.S.:- This is not my production but I came across this article in one of the magazines lying around…. It is written by a third year guy(sir for me!!!) and it is kinda “thought-provoking”… so without anymore ado….)

THE WEED THEORY

Ever wondered why we think weirdly after a few drinks? Why our brain performs ’better’ after a smoke? Well even if you haven’t, I have and I’ve hit upon a theory that explains just that. And to support my theory I will first build up a foundation of facts to help you understand it better.

The human brain largely inspired the design of the computer, and they have a lot of things in common. Perhaps the main similarity is that while the computer memory comprises of the RAM and the hard disks, the human brain has a permanent and a temporary memory.

The former is where all the material that we’re thinking of or remember is stored and the latter store all the things we know or we can remember. All thoughts and all events that occur throughout the day are stored on our temporary memory. Data transfer from temporary to permanent memory occurs throughout the day, and continues while we sleep. Note that all data is transferred but only the thoughts that the brain considers to be of higher priority. The priority is graded by the number of times we access that thought. So if we spend a long time thinking of some unimportant thought like maybe the colour of the clothes our friends wear, it registers in our temporary with a higher grade of priority than, if we were to glance at the clothes without giving much thought to it.

Coming back to computers, the processes running in the RAM, could be classified into three categories.

The critical processes like svchost.exe, system.exe, winlogon.exe etc. which you CANNOT end in task manager.

The processes important are the tasks we’re performing, like winamp or media player, or yahoo messenger, etc. while we’re listening to songs or chatting, as the case maybe. Also Explorer.exe also comes under this category because, although we cant access our desktop or the start menu, we can still end the process.

The processes that basically occupy our RAM space although we don’t need it. Like messenger if we’re not connected to the internet, or real player if we’re not listening to songs on it.

Consider the processes in our brain. Even these can be categorized similarly

The critical processes could be our brain subconsciously telling our heart to ‘keep beating buddy, or we’re both dead’ or the lungs to ‘keep pumping air dude, you know you gotto!’… we cant end a process like that. Ever tried concentrating on holding your breath so you could suffocate? Try it. It’s impossible.

The kinda important processes could be like remembering that its your friend birthday and that you need to wish him/her in a minute when you see her in a minute or two. Or searching for something. Or singing/talking/dancing the list is endless. This category also covers the rules that our mind sub-consciously remembers. Like knowing that ‘something’ called gravity exists which is why we cant jump off a building without hurting or killing ourselves. Or knowing that something called ‘etiquette’ prevnts us from jumping onto the table and acting crazy while we’re at a restaurant.

The not-important-at-all processes could be like subconsciously remembering the exact colour of the shirt that you wore the other day. Or remembering something taught at class subconsciously while you are out partying at a club.

All points discussed until now are mere observations, or proven facts. My theory starts now.

I believe when we consume substances like weed, cigarettes, alcohol, etc, the processes in our ‘human RAM’ or the temporary memory, get ended, in order of priority. That is the processes of category 3 are the first to go and then category 2. Only under EXTREME conditions the processes of category 1 are ended because those are the ‘critical’ processes.

As the unimportant thoughts get cleared, we find it easier to concentrate on the important thoughts. This is simply because our RAM concentrates its resources on them. The line, ‘Mr. X, please do get me a cigar (or a drink) for I need to have my thoughts cleared’ is not uncommon in books or classic movies. Perhaps this explains the logic behind that line.

As we continue, there comes a time when every one of the category 3 thoughts are ‘ended’. This is the point of maximum mental efficiency. Note: The influence of usually does nt cross this point, and rarely ever this far unless you’re a novice.
Beyond this point as we continue to consume weed or alcohol, the category 2 processes are terminated one after the other. If we tart acting crazy in public, having no control over our actions, it could mean that the process of thought that sub-consciously reminds of a certain ‘something’ called ‘etiquette’ has been ended. While the mind is now free from all rules and refrains, it can explore new thoughts, and give us new ideas. A lot of them could be EXTREMELY impractical or even impossible but in that state of semi-intelligence, it could appear to us like a stroke of genius. It is also very possible that the idea could be entirely new and out-of-the-box, and also very logical or practical. Plans of action and other thoughts are also category 2 and face the same threat of termination as the rules above.

There comes a point when we are extremely drunk and our memory can handle a very few basic category-2 processes at a time, like walking or talking or remembering the way home, etc, which we find VERY difficult to continue doing. Each of these processes is ended as soon as the action is completed.

If we fall asleep at some point of time or the other during the course of the ‘trip’ a portion of the final thoughts from the temporary memory are transferred onto the permanent memory, before the brain ‘logs off’. The next morning we recollect all successfully transferred memories. If we do not remember the sequence of events after a certain point of time, it was because that was the point where the process of remembering details of the immediate past and the present, has been ended. So quite obviously, there was no transferable details beyond that point. And that is commonly referred to as a ‘blackout’.

I have hopefully explained all behavioral patterns of the brain during the state of being ‘high’, with this theory, and I do certainly hope that all of you found it as interesting as I did myself.

Disclaimer: This theory is entirely hypothetical. I do not intend to glorify or advise the consumption of the aforesaid substances. It is purely an unbiased analysis of the effect of these substances on the brain, and neither covers nor considers any medical effects.

Flirting with Insanity

2007-05-28T05:46:00.000-07:00

[Ok… I’m an ex-“rap freak” turned “rock-freak”, however my inklings to rhapsody still lives so here goes my mixture of Eminem and Elliot (Emilliot???)]

[The poem’s narrated by an American fighter pilot who has been shot down in the Korean war and is sentenced to solitary confinement in a 6ft. by 6ft. cell underground with only one opening at the top….]

The dust scattered ‘neath my feet
As I took my daily step
The only one I could afford
In the space I have left

The sun brings the lonely rays
They have no place to shine
But it does help me
To keep my thoughts sublime

The blue skies, the clouds
Are not part of me anymore
I am bound on terra firma
I am a flier no more

My wings have been clipped
I’d touched the pinnacles of the sky
I lament on my fate
Once more I want to fly
The night brings the darkness
A shroud over my thought
Brings me back to the
Days which I forgot

I’m lost, I’m confused…..
I’m completely disoriented
Am I myself or is it
A spectre to shed?

Hark! Someone goes past
Is he friend or foe?
He’s dark, extremely dark
He is my shadow….

He takes me to an old world
A world of gay and laughter
Bright light, verdurous woods
Sparkling lakes, crimson flower

I hate it, I hate it all
It makes me virulously sick
I want to go back and fight
I want my revenge quick

A voice suddenly resonates
The voice of my inner soul
“This is what you want…
come tear away from it all”

I take a look at my utopia
The vision so tempting
I imagine my wife there
Waving and beckoning

My kids playing in the woods
Having fun, making hay
My parents, my teachers
I feel so damn fey!

My eyes flash open
I’m still sedentary
The hallows of my prison
Have set me free…….

Corporally I’m still bound
In the hands of my pity
It seems as if I am
Flirting with Insanity

The Myth of The Dash......

2007-05-25T01:54:00.000-07:00

I’m tired of people asking me how I got my name in school i.e. Dash.... So for all you people out there who have asked me THE question here’s the story (or the myth.... whatever you call it....) directly from “the horses mouth”.

The incident happened when I was a puny litl’ kid of class 8. My friend, Ani (u know him as Annie....) and I were playing some kinda stupid game which seemed to be the life to you at that time.... a guy was supposed to hold a bottle while the other was supposed to box it out of his hands ( it supposedly showed how strong you were...). The bottle would invariably be mine ( Talking about bottles I have the distinction of leaving the most number of bottles in school.... I was not surprised when I found one in the junior school toilet 10 yrs after I lost it!!!!!). Well anyway we were playing that game when I wandered of close to the window with the bottle in my hands.... and Ani boxed it right out of them and right out of the window!!!!! My eyes followed (sickeningly!) the flight of the bottle from the 2nd floor to the ground. It just missed a teacher named Mrs. Khambatta and landed with a thud. I knew we were jacked and made good my escape before she could see who the culprit was.... Ani unfortunately got caught and was taken to our middle school coordinator, Mrs. Ghosh. I was also caught and taken into custody( it seemed like that man!!!!).

By that time the news spread like wild fire throughout the school with a lot of additions and alterations to sensationalize it!! Some people even went to the extent of writing an obituary for Mrs. Khambatta... (“Her head split like a pumpkin...” said Avik). A regular enquiry was setup at Mrs. Ghosh’s office... But when Mrs. Ghosh asked me whether I was a witness to the incident I realized( to my relief!!!!) that they were not holding me responsible... and promptly nodded my affirmation.... Poor Ani got a severe reprimand from the teachers and the incident was let go of.

But my life took a turn for the worse. People got to know of what I had done to Ani and they started calling me liar... I tried to defend myself but to no avail. The name soon added a tail for itself and I became known as “liar-ch**”... which soon transformed into a limerick (“liar ch**.. tor baap ke ch**”). However later this name became too cumbersome and one couldn’t pronounce it infront of everybody so it became(“Liar ____(dash) tor baap ke ____”).... and this metamorphosized to just ____ or simply DASH!!!!!

Hope you liked the story man!!! Now u know why..............

I’m DASH!!!!!

I'm but a normal guy.........

2007-05-25T01:50:00.000-07:00

You might be wondering what’s with this title?? Well my name is Lionel De and my friends call me Dash…. (reasons are given in the next few posts that I produce….). So, this is Dash-Board where I can express my views without restraint.

There are a couple of things that I would like to clarify before going on any further. Its about myself… I might indeed be falling prey to dual nature. One’s called Dash... a guy full of energy, life and zest... who comes up with his own goofy moments which people have christened as “dash moments”. They are indeed a part of me and I can’t hide them so I post them here so people can have a hearty laugh at my expense.... It’ll be my pleasure to relieve you off some moments of your stress with some of mine!!!

The other guy’s Lionel... this normal guy who’s really shy, diffident and a complete contrast to Dash, this guy wants to be serious, is ambitious, wants to touch the nape o’ the sky but gets extremely low when something goes awry. Here’s where Dash takes over and although he may seem all humourous and funny... he is burning in his own private hell which he doesn’t want to let out. Another characteristic feature is that he is extremely sentimental; he takes exception very quickly and laughs at his own follies at a latter stage. So to all my friends, I’m hell sorry for all the pains that I’ve put you through... but I guess it just makes me what you call a complete multidimensional soul.

I’m but a normal guy ( Guaranteed 100% 1N!!!!!), a guy who needs his piece of football, the taste of home cooked food, the kick of vodka, the sentiments of cinema( no... it wasn’t something stuck in my eye.....) and yes, the love of my friends and the one special to me(still looking for her though.......)

Thanks a lot guys (and gals...) who have been there for me and here’s hoping you enjoy the rest of the blog....

CIAO!!!!
Lionel.

My First Post.....

2007-05-20T08:01:00.000-07:00

Ok this is the first of my posts on my newly created blog..... wanted to this for a long time but havent had the time to do so(read: the pressures and rigours of the entrance exams......) So after the last one yesterday(which pretty obviously i have made a mess of......) I have the time to create this one..... Hopefully I will be able to post more stuff soon enough...... so till then stay tuned...............